inheavenslight | Sermon Two

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luceti

Sermon Two | Text

I have been here for a week, and so far I have learned the following things:

1.) Nothing here makes sense.
2.) Animals are not supposed to talk, and they do. I think I prefer birds when they didn't have conversations outside my window.
3.) Everyone seems to carry their witchbook around, people should lock them up someplace.
4.) There are a lot of strange folks here with odd ways.
5.) What is there to do besides sit around?
6.) Why am I even writing this in here? Note to self: invest in a journal.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Coconuts? What did they do?

Speak not of the Great Coconut War of the 80s. They were dark times.

You know over 60 people yearly die from coconuts? Not in Luceti, because there aren't any, but in my world. Pineapples never kill anyone.

[... Apologies forever Mr. Judge.]

[And he is believing every word, Marco. Every word.] So are people working on getting rid of the coconuts?

No. We have coconut cultists who try to replace all the pineapple drinks with coconut smoothies instead. Can you imagine the end of Pina coladas? That is why the 80s were so awful. You couldn't go into a reasonable bar without some cultist trying to help the coconuts take over the world.

[If only this pirate had a better conscience. Or if he just had someone who actually held him check. Enjoy Luce, because this is likely to be a long insane deadpan ride.]

Pina Coladas? [Its like some sort of self-feeding cycle.]

[On the "bright" side if Marco likes him enough he might spread the word about the hilarious psuedo-marine to his other troll friends.]

Only the greatest drink ever matey. [Honestly, Marco barely ever drinks them... especially since they actually have coconut in them. Seriously.] Pineapple, rum, cream or sugar, and a bit of lime juice. The limes were always our allies against the evil coconuts, eh.

Aye! Many songs were sung about their pineapplicious splendor. Until the cults came.... That was when it all went sour. And not lime-sour, but coconut sour.

Edited 2012-07-26 08:48 (UTC)

But why would you want to drink your allies?

That's what they want. Just as the coconuts want to be drunk too.

That is so odd.

No no, what's really odd are the mushrooms. They reform themselves after you eat them so just... don't. Don't give them what they want.

Is all food sentient in your world?

I don't know. I haven't met all the food. Plus it depends on what you eat. I can't talk to rocks though so I couldn't tell you if they are. But some people eat those, I think. Or maybe those are just coconuts pretending to be rocks.

Why would they pretend?

To trip people and add to their death count.

Those evil sentient plants on your world!

Indeed! Luckily there are no coconut trees here. So you only have to worry about evil sentient humans. Or whatever else.

Humans can be quite evil too. Makes me wonder if in your world there are humans who team up with the coconuts. [Poor poor Luce.]

Yes, the coconut cultists. I should have explained they were humans. And giants. And pigeons. And also a few penguins. Which was odd because you wouldn't expect a winter island animal to side with tropical fruits. Maybe it's because they are both black and white. I know I tend to side with blue things for that reason.

[This will get even more ridiculous if/when Luce meets other people from Marco's world...]

Penguins? What are those?

[Which will be beautiful.]

Black and white winter island birds that swim instead of flying. Don't make me draw, I'm a terrible artist. Wings instead of fingers and all.

That must be quite an odd looking bird.

Yes, they look like they were tuxedos. They pretend to be very formal, but they're not really.

Tuxedos?

How do they pretend to be formal?

It's a type of suit. Super fancy. I don't know any humans who wear them, but you could ask Keimi to show you one if you're curious enough. She designs clothes here.

With their attitude. But they're not really. Of course they're not all bad, only the coconut cultists.

Keimi?

How many of them are cultists?

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